THE NAKED CIVIL SERVANT

Our sixth extract, 28th. July 1996, from Quentin Crisp's Autobiography first published in 1968 and reproduced by kind permission of Quentin Crisp


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In infancy I was seldom able to vary the means by which I kept a stranglehold on my mother's attention, but on one occasion I managed to have myself 'kidnapped'. Everybody in the family always used this word to describe the incident but there were no ransom notes. I did not at that time sit on the knees of golden-hearted gangsters while they played poker in rooms with the windows boarded up. The whole drama was in one act.

Our nurse told my brother and me that we were about to be taken for a lovely walk. I began as usual to deploy delaying tactics such as keeping my arms as rigid as a semaphore signaller's while she tried to put my coat on. Then as now I didn't hold with the outside world. Tired of these antics, nurse took my brother downstairs and they hid. Not knowing that they were doing this, my mother, when I asked her where they were, told me I might go as far as the front gate to look for them.. I went not only to the gate but out into the street and down to the corner of the Brighton Road. There I met a rag-and-bone man who offered me a lift in his hand-cart.

I was found on Sutton Downs two or three miles from home by one of my mother's friends. Only about two hours had passed, but the whole neighbourhood had been stirred up and my mother had telephoned the police. This was nice. Unfortunately the doctor who examined me on my return advised my mother never to question me about the incident. That was a pity, for now I can remember nothing of my journey.


© Quentin Crisp 1968

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